Mistakes Are What We Rely On
by Stranger In Training
Summary: Logan's one night stand could never be justified but then again, neither could their relationship. Jagan angst.


**Author's note: Once again, thank you to joyousbrokenthing for making this readable. She's seriously so talented and kind! I actually enjoyed writing angst, I might _try_ it more often.**

**As you already know, I own nothing but what you are about to read.**

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><p>"James, I'm sorry."<p>

The words hit James, hard. Logan of all people should know that "I'm sorry" could never mend or even lend support to a situation so broken.

Logan tries again but James stops him this time, his fisted hands unwillingly releasing a finger to cut off his boyfriend with an almost bruising press to the lips.

"Don't. Just don't, Logan."

Logan's pleading gaze falls to his feet, his eyes welling up with tears.

"Nothing you can say or do will ever change what you've done."

James knows how powerful his words are. He knows they can and are hitting Logan like a ton of bricks and so they should. Logan deserves to feel the guilt.

"I wasn't in my right mind, James. I was so drunk. I don't even know the guy's name!"

James dares himself to look into the sad gaze Logan forces upon him because maybe James knows he has a part to play in this.

As irrelevant as it may be, it's a point he knows he has to address.

This relationship started off as a default anyway. They both know it but Logan denies it so.

There's no saying that this relationship wouldn't have happened eventually. If James hadn't forced himself upon Logan all those months ago things could possibly be better than they are.

Not only did he forcibly take Logan's heart and somehow convinced him it was handed over, he'd also been in Logan's place. He'd endured his own fair share of guilt when a similar alcohol related one night stand had taken place what seems to only feel like a few months ago - for James.

Logan seems to have forgotten it ever happened. Or won't come to terms with the fact it had actually happened.

James knows he should just forgive Logan, he knows even now; any negative reaction towards this will be beyond what he's entitled to.

Logan had forgiven him in the skip of a heartbeat, not even seeming to have reacted to the news. He'd heard from Carlos and a furious Kendall that he'd been broken but when facing Logan, there'd been no sign of it.

"I love you." James feels Logan's lips tremble against his touch. Logan's almost close to breaking.

He can see the fear growing in the other boy and it hurts James so fucking much.

"I love you, too. You know that."

And surely Logan does, otherwise how would this be happening? James can get anyone he wants, right? He's the "ladies man". He doesn't need someone as pathetic as Logan.

At least that's what he likes to tell himself every time something a little off course happens. A part of him is _screaming _that he doesn't need Logan even now.

But he does need Logan, he's the golden boy, loved and never judged because he's smart and so kind-hearted and always prepared to listen.

Even when James had thrown himself at him, Logan hadn't once complained, offering love and support when James had received everything he'd deserved from Kendall and a few others.

"You're just so stupid sometimes." It's James' turn to tremble, instantly drawing the fragile boy into him.

He can feel Logan's tears dampening his shirt and he can hear Logan agreeing with _everything _he is saying. James doesn't want to be told he's right for once.

"I hate you so fucking much, though."

Everything's being sorted so easily and that's not what James wants. He wants to fight for Logan. He wants to wrestle this out like they used to.

If a pair of sneakers could've brought out Logan's worse before they were a couple, why can't the possibility of losing James spark it up again?

Maybe Logan doesn't care. Maybe subconsciously this is his way of telling James that this was never and will never be what James wants it to be. That the way it used to be was so much easier, even if James hated waking up in the morning, knowing that instead of being able to kiss Logan, he'd have to go beyond kissing with some sleazy girl to feed the need for another day.

"I hate me too, James."

James growls, roughly digging his face into Logan's hair. He brings Logan closer than before, their hips fitting together perfectly. The little friction immediately has James eager to do something that probably isn't appropriate at this very moment.

"And yet you can't spare a little bit of that wasted emotion on me? You're an idiot, Logan."

Logan pulls his head from where it's resting, looking up at James with still saddened eyes.

"I don't want to hate you, I love you."

James refuses to answer now, rubbing himself up against Logan, his face falling to admire at the way Logan's face scrunches up in pleasure and slight pain.

"Mh- James."

James pushes Logan away, spinning him around to pin him against the wall.

Maybe this is how they're meant to make up.

He refuses to speak, even as Logan slurs out his name, verbally passing himself over to James with phrases such as "take me" and "I want you, so bad."

He snorts to himself slightly, shaking his head in disbelief and he almost breaks Logan's belt in a hast attempt to blindly take it from him, making the task of tearing Logan's jeans and underwear from him only slightly easier.

James throws them in no particular direction, wanting them to be out of sight. He's quick to do the same with his, thankful that Logan doesn't move from where he's been placed.

James knows he wouldn't move unless he'd been given permission.

He forgets their shirts, too impatient to care as he turns Logan around roughly to face him again.

Logan winces but James doesn't have the patience to worry.

Logan's lifted off the ground effortlessly, showing minor support even though it's not needed by wrapping his legs around James' waist and wrapping his arms around his neck.

James ignores the love Logan's putting into it. James wants Logan to be mad; he wants him to at least demand something from him.

He positions himself and thrusts forward without warning, holding back tears of anger and slight guilt when Logan hides the cry of pain by shoving his face into James' neck.

James shoves the fragile boy away, slamming his shoulders almost painfully against the wall as he starts to withdraw and plunge forward without any time to adjust to the intrusion.

Logan's face says everything James wants to hear, from the sob to the occasional snarl. Every movement has its own unique reaction and James really wishes he could just hear the words behind the noises and expressions, just for once.

James pushes Logan back into his place when he dares to lean forward for a kiss, something that'll separate love making from vicious sex.

James doesn't want that because after all, the flawless Logan has just tainted his perfect image by being unfaithful.

James has surely earned the right to scold his lover for that in some way or another, even if all signs point to no.

James picks up speed, putting dominance into every movement. It doesn't take long before he's so close, his self-control slowly seeping to nothing when Logan's walls hug him so very tight.

With only a few more, unsteady, forced thrusts, he comes, still in disbelief when he feels Logan's own warm liquid through the material of his now soiled shirt.

He doesn't remember hitting that special spot. At least, it hadn't been his key intention.

James drops his hands from Logan's shoulders, allowing him to slump forward to rest his forehead on his shoulder.

James can tell by the pattern of Logan's breathing that he's spent and slightly hurt.

Feeling overcome with defeat, James pulls out finally, stumbling backwards until the back of his legs hit the bed, then he falls back, holding Logan in his place, securely.

He allows Logan time to settle down, noticing that he falls weary very quickly.

"Please, James, I'll do anything to make this right again." Logan's voice is barely pushing a whisper.

James doesn't know where the word "again" is coming from but he forgets about it when coming across blood from Logan's lower regions.

He can't help but laugh to himself. It's all so messed up.

"It's fine. I forgive you, Logan. Now go to sleep. The others will be home soon and Gustavo wants us at the studio early."

He thinks it's best not to try and demand correction when he's the mistake.


End file.
